HAHAHAH!! I found my blog!
Mood:  a-ok
I think alot of people would be shouting "It's A MIRACLE" when they see my blog being filled once again. Yeah man, after great pain, i managed to find my dusty old online diary, cos i thought that the error that always appeared was due to the fact that i din enter anything for such a long time and they barred me from ever using my site again.

Well, once again, my holidays are here again. Difference is, it's gonna be my last school holiday.. well technically true before i start my one year training at NIE. 4 years of life almost ending at SMU - what are my perspectives and reflections? I would say i have been through the four flavours - sour and bitter cos i had my fair shares of blows and stress, both from relationships and studies. Tonnes and tonnes of projects, and those people who can't keep their mouths shut and frantically attempt to suck up to their profs (okie i did hear the male version of how this suck up thing is supposed to be phrased but i shan't say it out... but it's kinda disgusting when you hear someone says this and be a goody goody in class). But i did have my fair share of spice and sweetness cos amidst all the terrible values that my school inculcated within students and the posers, i met genuinely caring and loving frens who never stopped working hard with me, and showed me that it was okie not being one of the rest and not wanting to suck up to the profs. what matters at the end of the day is not the grades, butwhat you've learnt and when your conscience is clear. BEing able to give 101% in your work and still enjoying life with your frens. Thanks all you lovers!!! (okie i know i am not a lesbian okie.. this is a disclaimer... i jsut call all my buddies lesbo) and WU XIA is coming back soon from her Thailand Trip! Wait till i tell her that my blog is on again.. she'll surely say.. FOR ONCE!!! Your blog doesn't stop at "
irritated.....and pissed to the limits" HAHAHAHAH! OKIE it's time to be a snoopdog again! Snoop around my fren's blog. And you know the drill guys, drop those tag lines in my profiles and be prepared to see my bollywood episodes and my sappy songs again MUAHAHAHAHAHAH! Yea i guess this term really got me quite down. Wonder whether it's cos we have been studyingfor almost 4 years and you feel very jaded and tired of everything you have to do. It's like a monotonous cycle which you can't wait to get out of and want to run away to soemwhere far and free. But not around a coconut tree okie if that's what you are thinking. But yet at the same time, i know working's not all sweet and fantastic, as what i can see from all my frens. Studying is always better and yea i am still appreciating the fact that i technically remain a "YOUNG STUDENT" when i feel my heartbeat already deteriorated by half the original rate. Yah esp this term when so many people and the profs frustrated me so much, and my 2 week plus High fever which almost burnt me to death, but i kept on going at my lappie.. withthree project presentations. But of course i would not have survived if not for my frens' and loved ones' concerns. Thanks all for your concern, thanks bear for your barley, care and your sweater (hugs!), and thanks stanz for calling me consistently to see whether i am still alive! It's all these which keep me going and make me aware that life is still all worth living. :) Yea yah well, my parents are getting weirder and weirder by the day, but i just learn to accept that it's part and parcel of life huh? Sometimes it gets frustrating, but staying out in school has become a norm for me.

Nothing much these days, just my normal routine of marketing, buying food for my mum who sleeps till 12 pm OMG... Cooking, baking, etc. It's actually quite therapeutic, especially when i know i wun have the time to do all these when my school term starts. It's like my way of spending time alone and putting all my effort into the cake and sharing it with people i love. And those long walks to the market helps me to reflect on everything that i have gone through. I'm not sure how many people do these, but i reflect everyday, sometimes even about the same things which have still have no conclusion. And recently, it has been more frequent, cos the beginning two three weeks of my holidays weren't exactly fantastic, and i often woke up with swollen eyes. But i am glad everything has sorta straightened out, and i kinda kept myself in check. And i am so glad that socks has finally found an adopter. Long story, but i'll miss him so much. ARgh.. i think i get attached to something very easily. For that 1 over week, i spent so much time with him that i felt so teary when i saw him leave with the Auntie. I'll always nmiss the time he climbed onto my neck and messed up my hair, the time he curled up on my neck to sleep. I love you socks! You are my little prince! Bollywood Babe! Check out some of these picS!

christmas is coming.. hmm... what do i wish for?? Well..guess nothing else shows my feelings more than this song i heard on GOLD 90. I love Gold 90 during christmas. Plays all my favourite quiet christmas songs. :D


Christmas Song (Gilbert O Sullivan)I'm not dreaming of a white Christmas
I'm not dreaming of a white Christmas
All I'm dreaming of the whole day long
Is a peaceful world

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year
To those of you who live in fear
And let us hope that very soon
The peace you seek will then resume

I'm not dreaming of a white Christmas
I'm not dreaming of a white Christmas
All I'm dreaming of the whole day long
Is a peaceful peaceful world

(I'm not dreaming of a white Christmas
I'm not dreaming of a white Christmas
All I'm dreaming of the whole day long
Is a peaceful world)

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year
To those of you who live in fear
And let us hope that very soon
The peace you seek will then resume

I'm not dreaming of a white Christmas
I'm not dreaming of a white Christmas
All I'm dreaming of the whole day long
Is a peaceful peaceful world
I'm not dreaming of a white Christmas
I'm not dreaming of a white Christmas
All I'm dreaming of the whole day long
Is a peaceful world


Our Adorable Socks:

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Irritated.. pissed to the limits.. and speechless
okie you know.. i have tonnes of work now to do.. but everyday i am so tired.. and fed up. I have so many things to write.. but no time at all..and even when i need to talk... ARGH! Just when i tot i will be fine after the bazaar... i realise i dun.. now's the booking issue. Hellooo... will somebody out there help sang and me... ? TAKE THE BLOODY INITIATIVE..

You know the thing i hate most is when people tell me," actually i din like the idea at all.. blah blah"
Hellooo... where's the feedback? If you din like it.. take the F initiative to find a solution and propose it! sorrie.. i know i am vulgar.. but i can't help it.


So many things happened.. so little time for me to even pour my sorrows in my one little blog, which is always there to listen, be it day or night. And great.. they are playing "Yesterday, all my troubles seem so far away..". Argh.. i know.. some people thnk my feelings are uncalled for.. why should i get so fed up.. okie i dun need any of this. Self hug.. wished there was someone who could understand what i am going through.. to listen to me whine.. while i am sick and aching all over.. Think i am slowly disintegrating liao.. blood clots.. what not. When i went for a traditional chinese massage today with my beloved bollywood babe.. i felt a pain that i have never felt in my entire life. Does this spell trouble?


Argh..... need to eat lotsa ba chor mee.. eat eat eat.. eat eat eat.. gobble till i choke. Okie for consolation, i am going with my beloved wu xia for ba chor mee tomorrow. She actuallysaid she was taking me out for ba chor mee.. Sob..

Sappy Songs Galore
didn't we love

K la.. i know this is too much for some people to take. But come on.. all of us love sappy songs. Nothing in particular.. just find all these songs so .. err.. bittersweet. Dun you think?

Didn't We Love
by Tamara Walker

quarter moon
always makes me think of you
are you thinking of me too
when you see it shine

its kinda sad
but i'm smiling
imagine that
'cause we were lucky to have what we had
if only for a time

didn't we set the nights on fire
did ever a flame burn any higher
wasn't it so sweet
wasn't it
didn't we love?

it's ok
sometimes i just get this way
i cant forget you anyway
i wouldnt even try

I'd rather fall
then never to have flown at all
it was heaven after all
if only for a time

didnt we set the nights on fire
did ever a flame burn any higher
wasn't it so sweet
wasn't it
didn't we love?

oooh didnt we have it all back then
will i feel that way again

didnt we set the nights on fire
did ever a flame burn any higher
wasnt it so sweet
wasnt it
didnt we love?

isn't it bitter sweet
isn't it
didn't we love?

Feel so crabby today.. So shitty. It's supposed to be National Day.. but i think i woke up on the wrong side of the bed. And after sleeping for 3 over hours in the afternoon, i'm still crabby. ARgh i think it's dat dumbo dream.. Made me affected again.

I think i'm in this mood again to walk on my own.. sit somewhere quiet. :S And of course back to mugging and doing lotsa work.. a 99.99% of killing all those bad feelings..

Song: Welcome To My Life
Lyric:
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you’re bleeding

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like

Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I’m happy
But I’m not gonna be ok!

Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don’t know what it’s like
What it’s like!

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life

My Song

It's been a long time since i've written something in my blog, and it's not because i got bored of it and decided to engage in some other activity, and no.. it's not because i have been busy dating. Guess i have always been a person who thinks more and keeps all these thoughts to myself than tell people cos i find it very hard to express what i feel. I am sure Stanz understands that. Even posting what you feel in your blog invites peoples' comments about you being morbid. Just the way we are .. so sorrie even if you guys think we are freaky beings who seem to always detach ourselves from the better things in life. Not as if i am nonchalant to everything. IN fact, i noe that i am constantly thinking.. thinking about alot of things. Thinking about life, love, dreams, etc. Okie maybe just to share some of these thoughts.. but dun think of me as a weirdo.. cos that's what i always do.. ever since i was young.

You know the kinda thing you do every morning, sitting in an MRT and watching people.. their expressions, how they communicate.. and you wonder what they are like? Yeah i always have the habit of doing that so dun let me catch ya drooling. BUt yah sometimes when i see couples holding hands and looking at each other with such forlorn eyes.. Makes me wonder what it takes to hold a relationship together . Guess it's also cos i have grown up and it's time to think about this kinda stuff? And i guess even if i'd always felt that it wasn't necessary, circumstances have forced me to think through things more carefully... and no fangster.. it ain't that rosy and idealistic as what you think.. just love with all your heart, be a hopeless romantic, and everything will come your way. And i've always treasured the sight of an old couple holding hands, supporting each other while they make their way home. (which is really oh so rare.. and that makes it even more precious)

When i went for a drinking session with Bollywood Babe yest night, we talked a bit about relationships... and though i was supposed to be quite tipsy.. and longing to sleep, i was, instead thinking about alot stuff pertaining to affairs of the heart. Yeah.. constantly.. wonder why.. even when i am sitting in the nice sofa with sang sleeping in the library.. i looked at the clear sky, the trees and think about my life as a whole. People around me, flashbacks of things that i've done.. my frens... and how love could be so rosy at one point of time, and yet how much sorrow it can bring you. But i always sought comfort in the sky.. dun ask me why i like to look at it. It just makes me a more perfect being.. and makes me feel abit more sane when i feel like i am breaking. (and no .. i ain't breaking now.. KEEKKEKE)

After having so many conversations with people around me about their relationships, what works and what doesn't, i find it so appalling, yet realistic that love doesn't always work like a Cinderella story. Yeah to me.. it looked as if it's sorta like an equation.. an investment, which requires alot of chemistry experiments at the same time. Even this article i read about having a healthy relationship (marriage and before marriage) talks about things that you have to do to keep it going over time.. cos over time, those words that you used to say to each other will slowly dwindle, and you have to focus more on making the effort to say it.. like a responsibility more than the feeling to do so (okie i agree with that.. maybe it's true, since love doesn't stop at the past.. it moves on and on.. and it's an ongoing cycle of personal growth between the two of you)

Then there's this thing about knowing what you partner likes best.. like whether he likes acts of service, acts of words, and err.. oh oh i can't remember the last one. Think it's action (like always making the effort to go out.. plan outings to make the person feel special)

Okie.. there are other people who always tell me that it's never wise to be too good to the other party.. and giving unconditionally at such an early stage spells trouble, cos people will tend to take you for granted and will get bored cos the relationship is too stable to bring sparks at the end of the journey.

And sadly, so many people (including me sometimes, but i still bear hope)have changed their perspective towards life and love after having so many failed relationships. I guess it works badly for them cos their past always catches up with them.. and it always frustrates their partners. Mean..i can understand how it feels. IT's kinda like your partner tells you not to compare him with the rest.. and promises you more security. BUt even though he always assures you to put faith in the relationship, you still can't trust it hundred percent and let your guard down. So you have this non commital attitude towards the relationships cos there are so many previous partners who have told you that they are not like the rest.. but at the end of the day... the story comes back to square one and history repeats itself. I should say, yes i am lucky that i haven't experienced so much to become so jaded... since i have so many people who love me.. but somehow, just one experience is enough to make me relate to them. Can you imagine how big the impact is if you have been through so many? It just numbs you totally...

Maybe i should have been more bitter about the whole thing.. maybe Bollywood Babe was right. I was asking her yest why she couldn't hate Chinchilla like other people. And she took the words right out of my mouth..(which makes me know how much she understands me as a person). She says when she's with me.. she doesn't feel a trace of hate or bitterness within me for Chinchilla when i look at him or when i talk to him.. instead.. the feeling of pure disappointment and being sorry for what he did. That's why she couldn't even feel that sense of hurt and bitterness to hate him. But i guess when you dun hate, it breaks you more as a person. I guess i dun love Chinchilla anymore.. but yah if i were to say that it doesn't hurt the way everything turned out and how nonchalant he is now.. i would be lying. But of course he doesn't contribute alot to what i think. Cos as time went by, i started to see beyond that.. and i guess i did make another fren through his new beau.. cos i think she's quite a nice gal. Maybe i should thank him instead for making me think more and see what i can do to improve things.. or take a different perspective towards relationships on the whole. AT least i understood that having expectations is very important, cos it helps you both realign your goals. A person with no expectations would end up lost in his own path and not even understand what he wants outta a relationship. and yes.. i think she was so apt in what she said. I think i just feel very sorry about how everything turned out..

But the issue that baffles me is.. how to strike that right balance.. you know. Caring for that person.. and not letting him or her take you for granted. Like playign the devil and angel at the same time. IT pricks me alot even when i try to throw a bit of tantrum.. cos that's not the way i see what a partner should do. I mean.. i've always tot that love is about giving unconditional love.. and everything you do for the person is not a calculated move... macham investment. Hmm... I mean, it makes me even more troubled. Like after i am nice to a person, i'll think.. shouldn't i keep it down, and not do too much, to prevent myself from being disappointed and hurt in the end... I mean cos i know i am that sorta person who will go all the way for the person, but if things dun get reciprocated, i dun express my disappointment out .. just think think... it frightens me all the time, even when i sleep, that when things are too rosy, too perfect to be true, it will suddenly transform into something nightmarish.. Cos all good things come to an end if you listen to some people say? k i know this is so pessimistic.. It's just what i think sometimes, when i sit at the bus stop, when i walk, when i look at people.. hmm..

Well..the ironic thing is... i still haven't figured out the logic of what people say sometimes. And i probably wun change the way i am.. only time will tell whether these are all true.. that when you give so much.. you will lose everything in the end.. Only time will tell me whether i am wrong.

But when i look at the blue blue sky.. i'll always harbour the hope that people will not stop loving and giving their best and more others will learn to appreciate these people around them.

Nowadays, all the songs are increasingly sappy. Wonder why...

GREEN DAY LYRICS

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Video code provided by Music Video Codes

Nice pic taken from soemone's blog. Think they have a similar one in Dhoby Ghaut eh? I've always wondered why it's so special.. Obviously, this pic was taken from University of Pennsylvania hur hur hur.. Dun think the leaves and greenery will be so nice here Muahahaha.. oops so bad.

according to the blog writer, the tilted "O" symbolizes the imperfection in every relationship. Hmm.. enlightenment?